Mad Cowtown

Episode 3: Vitamin D for Death: From Ashlynn's Tumblr

10.30pm, 27 June 2012

So, the Otherkin group. The meeting was going amazing, apart from Jo being her usual grumpy self and this other chick in a wrap skirt (so 90’s) being a total bitch. I was making friends with this girl called Merilyn, who thinks she’s like a pirate-unicorn. I know that sounds cray, but, hey, I hang out with weirder creatures every day. For instance, there’s this half-pixie at the Summer Court; I have no freaking idea how her parents even managed to do it. I asked her once, and she got pissed off with me. Like everyone wasn’t wondering it.

Anyway . . . since it’s my life and nothing good ever happens to me, these weird milkmen (like men made out of actual milk) appeared out of nowhere and tried to kidnap me. Jo tried to get me out of there, since she always treats me like some dumb kid, but I was like “bitch plz” and fried them.

Yeah, I’m pretty badass.

**

11.00pm, 27 June 2012

Ew. I just found out that Milk Mojo has human souls in their milkshakes.

. . . Is it bad that I can’t stop wondering how they’d actually taste?

**

11.05 pm, 27 June 2012

I think my soul would taste like strawberries.

**

11.15 pm, 27 June 2012

We’re all apparently going to investigate Milk Mojo now. It’s like an episode of Sherlock, but with fewer cute guys. . . and a horse.

WTF is up with the horse? It looks like the one I saw at the theater, but then all horses look the same.

Is that horse-ist of me?

**

11.40 pm, 27 June 2012

Sooo . . . I’m writing this from the back of a van. My life is so glamorous.

I managed to break us into Milk Mojo’s office, and find an address for their factory on the computer. The others were totes lucky to have me there. Like, I doubt Jo even knows how to turn on a computer. I don’t think they have electricity where she’s from. That would explain a lot.

Anyway, we’re all in this cramped, dark van on the way to the factory now. It’s kind of gross, especially since I’m sitting next to this serious guy in a suit, and he smells like horse and sour milk.

P.S. The horse turned out to be a hot guy. I don’t even know, guys.

**

11.43pm, 27 June 2012

Do you know what a yeti smells like up close? I do.

I wish I didn’t have a nose.

**

11.45 pm, 27 June 2012

Distracting myself with pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch . . .

**

1.30 am, 28 June 2012

I hate hipsters so much. I don’t care how mainstream cow milk is; you don’t hook werepeople up to machines and milk them. Like, buy some soymilk and pretend to be vegan already.

I’m throwing up in my mouth a little as I write that. It is like one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.

And that includes the king hipster’s waterfall mustache. If he hadn’t escaped, I was going to burn it off his stupid face.

Comments

lol “Do you know what a yeti smells like up close? I do.”

illuminatedms

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