Mad Cowtown

Episode 4: Meg's Journal

Sent on a call out to Glen Echo Park to check out a body at the falls. Suicides are never good calls, even when you get there in time. On the way, there was a… thing. It’s not that I’m bothered that stuff like this exists (what’s the point in being bothered? it will go on existing), it’s mostly that I wish there were a manual. How many kinds of crazy are out there? What things merit helping, and what ones don’t (hell, if I refused to treat bad people, I’d spend my whole shift on coffee break)? How do you treat bodies that aren’t made of flesh and bone?

This thing wasn’t. Goo, more like. And kind of glowy. And then it lunged at me. One of these days I need to take up kickboxing.

Of course, the paramedics ran, and took the ambulance. I don’t really blame them, fight or flight and all that.

And then these people show up. Don’t get me wrong—I’m grateful. I’m plenty grateful. But again, a manual would be helpful. I’d met a few of them before. Mysterious guy. Sasquatch girl. ER patient who sent me after Sasquatch girl. One girl tried (and failed) to knock me out of harm’s way. Which would have been fine, apart from the fact that I didn’t want to be out of the way. Of course, in the end, it might have been just as well if she’d succeeded— I was useless. Note to self: defibrillators don’t work against goo-men.

Once the angry got knocked out of Goo Man, I tried to help him, but what can I do with goo? Pretty sure I’m entirely unequipped to handle this new side of the world, but how do you come face to face with reality and walk away from it? Some frat boy said an awkward prayer and Goo Man seemed to dissolve peacefully. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of death. Only a few are what I’d call “good,” but some are better than others. At the end, this was a decently good death. Or dissolution. Or whatever.

Anyway, I continued to the body (some of the Justice League followed me, for which I was, frankly, grateful). Based on the scene and head trauma, he did look like a recent jumper, but the flesh was decaying rapidly in front of us (and not even regular decay; we’re talking long-dead-but-weirdly-preserved Bog Man decay). And then Mysterious guy said he could see the dead guy’s spirit jumping into the water and sinking. Like, right then. After the body had been dead for a while already. I can’t make sense of it, but there’s obviously a lot I don’t know about the world.

I did my little bureaucratic dance and made it all slide under the hospital radar. And tomorrow I’m meeting with the Justice League again to continue investigating this death. Is your patient still your patient when he’s dead?

Episode 4: Echo, Echo: Madame Fortuna's Ghostwriting

My name is Madame Fortuna. For many years, I have made my living off of pretending to speak to the dead, telling my customers what they want to hear, helping them to move on from their loss. Even though I knew I was lying to them, I justified it by saying that I offered a valuable psychological service for less than a doctor would charge.

Now, though, I have the power I have always pretended to possess. The dead are speaking to me. Their thoughts are like electricity, and I am the wire through which they pass. I crackle, I burn, I must speak. Listen, children, to what I say.

Listen. A man who is far from home, who is very afraid, cries: die Hexe, sie ruft nach mir, und ich muss folgen. I feel him falling, and the water rising over his head. He becomes silent, and I sense an absence where he once was. I do not know what any of it means.

Listen. A man who is numb with cold. His mind is a white and raging storm. It howls inside his head. He sees a woman in a white coat, and craves the warmth of blood on his skin. He pursues her. The storm within him rises . . . and suddenly dissipates. I feel a sense of peace, and hear him whisper: “Thank you.”

Listen. A woman weeps in an empty house. Her pain makes her dangerous, like a wounded animal who lashes out at anyone who comes near her. She feels living creatures approach, and she scorches them with fire and slashes them with sharp steel.

. . . I can see no more for now. The spirits are silent once again. I hope they will not say more to me.

Episode 4: Echo, Echo: The Voice over Frank's Radio

After a funeral service, Frank is driving down High St in Uncle Elliot’s ‘cuda, which is, of course, impeccably washed and waxed, and shines in the late afternoon light. Suddenly, a burst of static sounds from the radio. As it fades, Frank can hear a voice speaking, but the words are hard to follow, and are interrupted by pops and hisses.

No matter what Frank tries, he cannot turn off the radio or change the channel. Even when he turns the car off, they continue to speak. The voices seem to repeat endlessly, cycling through the same set of phrases. They sound like German to him, but he does not understand what they are saying.

Transcript: Ich ertrink . . . ich brauche . . . das schwarze wasser . . . echo, echo . . . bitte kommen . . . echo.

Translation: I drown . . . . I need . . . . the black water . . . echo, echo. . . please come. . . echo.

Episode 3: Vitamin D for Death: From Ashlynn's Tumblr

10.30pm, 27 June 2012

So, the Otherkin group. The meeting was going amazing, apart from Jo being her usual grumpy self and this other chick in a wrap skirt (so 90’s) being a total bitch. I was making friends with this girl called Merilyn, who thinks she’s like a pirate-unicorn. I know that sounds cray, but, hey, I hang out with weirder creatures every day. For instance, there’s this half-pixie at the Summer Court; I have no freaking idea how her parents even managed to do it. I asked her once, and she got pissed off with me. Like everyone wasn’t wondering it.

Anyway . . . since it’s my life and nothing good ever happens to me, these weird milkmen (like men made out of actual milk) appeared out of nowhere and tried to kidnap me. Jo tried to get me out of there, since she always treats me like some dumb kid, but I was like “bitch plz” and fried them.

Yeah, I’m pretty badass.


11.00pm, 27 June 2012

Ew. I just found out that Milk Mojo has human souls in their milkshakes.

. . . Is it bad that I can’t stop wondering how they’d actually taste?


11.05 pm, 27 June 2012

I think my soul would taste like strawberries.


11.15 pm, 27 June 2012

We’re all apparently going to investigate Milk Mojo now. It’s like an episode of Sherlock, but with fewer cute guys. . . and a horse.

WTF is up with the horse? It looks like the one I saw at the theater, but then all horses look the same.

Is that horse-ist of me?


11.40 pm, 27 June 2012

Sooo . . . I’m writing this from the back of a van. My life is so glamorous.

I managed to break us into Milk Mojo’s office, and find an address for their factory on the computer. The others were totes lucky to have me there. Like, I doubt Jo even knows how to turn on a computer. I don’t think they have electricity where she’s from. That would explain a lot.

Anyway, we’re all in this cramped, dark van on the way to the factory now. It’s kind of gross, especially since I’m sitting next to this serious guy in a suit, and he smells like horse and sour milk.

P.S. The horse turned out to be a hot guy. I don’t even know, guys.


11.43pm, 27 June 2012

Do you know what a yeti smells like up close? I do.

I wish I didn’t have a nose.


11.45 pm, 27 June 2012

Distracting myself with pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch . . .


1.30 am, 28 June 2012

I hate hipsters so much. I don’t care how mainstream cow milk is; you don’t hook werepeople up to machines and milk them. Like, buy some soymilk and pretend to be vegan already.

I’m throwing up in my mouth a little as I write that. It is like one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.

And that includes the king hipster’s waterfall mustache. If he hadn’t escaped, I was going to burn it off his stupid face.

Frank's Funeral Home

Located on High Street, not too far from the OSU campus, Frank’s funeral parlor is situated in a remodeled 1908 Queen-Anne Style home.

Frank f1

The ground floor contains most of the rooms open to the general public, including the chapel, receiving parlor, and conference room. A modern elevator (installed in 1980 during extensive renovations) facilitates the transportation of decedents to and from the basement workrooms, and a detached garage holds the funeral home’s sole hearse, Frank’s 1971 Plymouth Barracuda, and an oven and cremulator for crematory services.

Frank f2

Frank’s private apartment comprises the entire second floor of the house, and is accessible either via a door at the top of the stairs (kept locked most of the time) or by way of the elevator (which requires a key to visit this floor). Sporting two bedrooms and two full baths, Frank’s inner sanctum is a modest, but comfortable, place to unwind after a long day of undertaking.

Frank fb

The basement is, as they say, where “the magic” happens. Only two rooms – the casket showroom and the sales office – are open to the general public. The other areas include various storage spaces, the furnace room, and, of course, the mortuary itself.

Episode 2: Vitamin D for Death: From Ashlynn's Tumblr

Excerpts From Ashlynn’s (private) tumblr:

10.15pm, 19 June 2012
I don’t get Lily. I risk my butt to get her stupid book, and, instead of being grateful, she gives me a lecture about how I didn’t show enough restraint or something. Of course, she tells Jo how wonderful she is. Even though Jo didn’t do anything to get the book AND almost blew our cover with how bad she is at acting. So amazeballs, right?

Bleh. Why does she have to be so hot? Why do I always fall for assholes? What is wrong with me?

10.20pm, 19 June 2012

OMG. He is so perfect. I want to have his freakish, monster babies.

8.30pm, 25 June 2012
I found this weird flier in my mailbox today. It’s advertising this support group for Otherkin. I know everyone thinks they’re totes crazy, but they’d think the same about me if I ever told them what I was. So, it sounds fly and I’m going to be there. It would be awesome to talk to people about what I’m going through at the moment, and it’s not like anyone at the Summer Court understands me. (No emo.)

I’m not dumb, though. I’m not going to tell them what I really am. I’m going to pretend that I’m like half-kitsune, because I think they’re tottemo kawaii. (That’s Japanese for really cute, for those of who you don’t know.)

8.46pm, 25 June 2012

So kawaiiiiiiiiiiiii.

I wish I really was half-kitsune. It would be so much more awesome than being half-Sidhe.

5pm, 26 June 2012

Guess what… I’m giving Jo a complete makeover! She insisted on coming out with me tonight, and I am not letting her make me look bad in front of college students. I don’t want them thinking I hang out with hicks.

So, she’s getting her hair dyed, her eyebrows plucked, her make-up done, and she is going to look hot as shit when I am finished with her

6pm, 26 June 2012

Jo didn’t want me to take a picture, but I did so anyway. The light’s kind of bad and you can’t see how red her hair is (so red), but she almost looks cute here. It’s like a complete change of external personality or something.

June 27 Columbus SITREP

June 27, 2012
Richard Armon
Columbus, Ohio SITREP

RCV: There has been very little activity on this front. There is the occasional attack but there doesn’t seem to be much of an organized presence that I’ve been able to detect.

Warlocks: I have been keeping an eye on the book seller from the Prospero incident but I have not detected any law breaking as of yet.

While helping a local in the occult community find some missing persons I encountered a dairy shop named Milk Mojo that was offering addicting milkshakes. When I viewed the milkshakes with my Sight I saw faces rising out of the beverages, like souls had been blended in with the milk and ice cream. It was highly disturbing.

Before I was able to investigate further we heard an assault taking place. The local I was assisting is a were-horse, he changed into his bestial form and allowed me to ride him to the scene of the assault. We discovered several undergraduates, a graduate student, a changling of the Summer Court, and the Summer Knight being assaulted by what appeared to be magical constructs formed out of milk. Likely these creatures are tied together with the Milk Mojo shop.

The local I had been assisting, Archibald, while awkward to hold a conversation with, proved able in battle. While assisting the changling and the Summer Knight against the milk constructs the battle was joined by both the book seller I have been watching and a White Court Vampire who was also present at the Prospero incident. Additionally, the graduate student appears to be some sort of shape changer, though I am not sure exactly what she changed into. It appeared to be a giant, upright white ape. Between us we were able to easily dispatch the milk constructs before they were able to cause any harm.

The presence of the sorceress at both the play and this incident cannot be ignored considering outlawed magics have happened at both events. Both times she appeared to fight against the evil wrecking havoc but that could merely be her attempting to cover her tracks after having a Warden appear. I shall redouble my efforts and keep her under surveillance.

Otherkin Flyer

Do you feel out of place in your own skin? Is there a
part of you that yearns to be free? Is there something
inside of you yearning to get out? Come to our support
group for your other side, a new kin-group for the real
7:00 PM, South Oval

Coffee Shop Codex

Coffeeshop codex

Coffee Shop Codex

The Coffee Shop Codex is located in German Village on 631 S. 3rd Street. The first and second floors of the building are taken up by the coffee shop and bookstore, while the third floor has been converted into a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment inhabited by Gwen Brooks. She also maintains a rooftop garden where she grows vegetables and various herbs.

Gwen decided to deal with the technological limitations caused by magical interference by cultivating an early 20th century aesthetic. The cash register is a restored 1904 antique National Cash Register from the Vintage Cash Register and Scale Company; only cash or check are accepted. The store is lit by gas lights (books are kept at least five feet away at all times to comply with building codes). The furnace, stove in the coffee shop, and the oven in Gwen’s third floor apartment are fueled by energy-efficient wood pellets. As all coffee must be ground in antique coffee grinders by hand and the water and milk boiled on a stove, the Coffee Shop Codex is not the place to run in for a quick cup of joe. Instead, Gwen encourages her customers to relax and enjoy their coffee or tea at one of the many cafe tables or whilst perusing the shelves of books. She also sells a variety of baked goods and lunch items (such as quiche, sandwiches, and fruit) and supports the locally grown, slow-food movement.

Episode 2: link to Columbus Jobs on

Cafe Barista – Columbus, OH – Job Number 1013995

Coffeeshop Codex is a small, independent coffeeshop and bookstore located in the heart of German Village. A part-time position coffeeshop barista/bookstore clerk position is available. Duties include coffee preparation, tidying work area, handling customer transactions for coffee and books, and washing dishes. Applicant must be at least 16 years of age or older, responsible, friendly, and must possess good communication skills and an ability to multi-task well. Approximately 15-20 hrs. per week. Minimum wage. To apply contact Gwen Brooks at (614) 555-3672.

Research Assistant – Columbus, OH – Job Number 1012238

Part-time position research assistant available. Applicant must possess excellent research skills and have access to scholarly research databases. Knowledge of multiple languages preferred. Work on an as-needed basis. $10 per hour. To apply contact Gwen Brooks at (614) 555-3672.


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